Frumgirl 1: Counting

Number of patients who have tried to convert me to one religion or another: 4

Number of conversion attempts, in total: 9

Snippet from the funniest:

Patient with big hair and ankle fracture: “So you’re Hassidic, right?”

Me, going about my job: “Nah, I’m just plain Orthodox.”

Patient, tilting her head: “Hassidic people don’t believe in jesus, right?”

Me, preoccupied: “That’s right.”

Patient, head tilting slowly in the opposite direction:”So the rest of you all do believe in jesus, right?”

Me, perking up: “Oh, no, you can’t be Jewish if you do.”

Patient, aghast: “What? None o’ you? You sure? I never heard of that!”

Me, cue reassuring but firm smile: “I’m sure.”

Patient, getting excited: “But you gotta believe in jesus, girl!”

Me: “Huh?”

Patient: “He’s the lord and savior!”

Then she looks at me expectantly, like she’s waiting for an agreement. Or a spontaneous shout of GloryBeHallelujah! and an on the spot conversion.

Persuasivity rating: -6,000/10

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Published in: on August 20, 2008 at 5:43 PM  Comments (8)  

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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This Jesus fellow sounds intriguing, is he the janitor there?

  2. Haha, I wish. It was an otherwise really nice young woman who had broken her foot. She’s a middle school teacher, apparently. I can’t help but feel sorry for her students.

  3. I think it would have been funnier had you yelled “hallujah!” and then walked away.

  4. You can’t be Jewish if you don’t believe in Jesus? Not that I’m interested in starting an argument or anything, but in fact one can believe in Jesus and still be Jewish. Maybe not a practicing Jew, or a religious one, but the essence of a Jew is not predicated on practice or religion; the essence of a Jew depends solely on one’s mother. A Jew, no matter how far he may have appeared to stray, is the apple of Hashem’s eye, his first-born child of his old age (you get the point).

  5. TRS: I think she wasn’t talking about the genetic makeup of a Jew, she meant a practicing Jew, because that’s what the patient was referring too.

  6. TRS:
    Religious Jews see Judaism as a religion rather than a race. A “Jew” who believes in divinity of a human being is about as far from Judaism as one who believes in Paganism or Hinduism.
    While attempts to convert religious Jews to Christianity invariably end in pathetic failure, it is nonetheless quite irritating, with its reminders of the old “convert or die” doctrine. (The overwhelming majority chose the latter, in case you’re curious.)
    We don’t proselytize, and we’d appreciate a reciprocal attitude.

  7. LOL! When I was in nursing school (the hospital I learned at was catholic, mind you), I went to buy stamps. The saleslady handed me a sheet of xmas stamps. I said, “Oh no, I can’t use these, I’m Jewish”-
    -“What”, she sputtered, “don’t you celebrate C____mas?”
    -“No, we don’t believe in JC.”
    -“Lady, what’s wrong with you? EVERYBODY believes in JC.”

    Well, there’s a lot wrong with me, but that isn’t it…..

  8. Oh, you heretic you! 🙂


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