For some strange reason, it takes a fairly long time for non-frummies to figure out that they really can’t touch you. No, not even a hug when I’m depressed. No, not even a high five. No, I won’t be burned on a stake if you touch me by accident. Yes, I can touch my family. Yes, I can touch my spouse. We religious fanatics have children, don’t we? Idiots.
That little idiot comment is probably what gets me into trouble. I am an intelligence snob. Idiots annoy me and I cannot relate to them.
Playing grad school as a no-contact sport involves some pretty extensive shenanigans. Take, for example, the no-contact high five, which involves speeding you hand towards the other person’s and recoiling two inches away with a large bounce as if hitting an invisible air mattress. The no-contact hug looks even more ridiculous, like your hugee is invisibly obese and you’re squashing them.
Oh, the lengths that we go to befriend the earthlings without compromising our alien laws. *Sighs*
Here’s a question that just popped into my head: can I shake hands with a guy if I’m wearing gloves?